the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
