The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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