By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
