So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
