Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
