He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
