My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Your topless pictures make me question reality
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
