I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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