Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
