he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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