zippers are such a cool invention
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
