my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
