Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
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