the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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