just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
