Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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