the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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