He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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