Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
