I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
