You made me cry and you don't even care
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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