so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
