I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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