I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
