Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
