i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
