You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
