some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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