i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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