I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Randomize
