i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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