i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
