My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
