maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
