If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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