If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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