Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
