I smell stomach acid.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
