I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
he was CRYING into my vagina
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
