can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
