i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Randomize
