All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
