somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
