They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
