He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I love how my cats smell like pot.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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