arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
