I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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