Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
PANTIES FOUND
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