theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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