I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
