Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize
